It’s not exactly prose, and no one really knows, where or when the list of quips below originated. But, my husband, Bob, passed it on to me in an email last week because it made him chuckle. He had received it from a former colleague.
I quickly referred to my source for global information–Google–and found the first instance of it appeared on April 25, 2008, on the SAP Fan Club Forum. The next entry I found was in a 2009 book, Enjoy Freedom from Financial Stress by Kathy Kline Danner, and the most recent entry was January 8, 2015. I found it on the giffgaff social community forum.
And now, I’m sharing it with you because on its lightest side, most of the quips are absolutely hilarious. Yet others give me pause because they illustrate the inequality that has spanned generations due to our gender and cultural idiosyncrasies. I am sure there are many more quips that we could add to this list. I would truly enjoy your suggestions and comments.
MEN NEVER GET DEPRESSED
Men Are Just Happier People —
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack…
He can never be pregnant.
He can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
He can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell him the truth.
He never has to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky for him.
He doesn’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Your Wedding dress $5000. His Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at his chest when they’re talking to them.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle his feet.
His phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
He knows stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
He can open all his own jars.
If someone forgets to invite him, He or she can still be his friend.
His underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Everything on his face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts him for years, even decades.
He only has to shave his face and neck.
He can play with toys all his life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons.
He can wear shorts no matter how his legs look.
He can ‘do’ his nails with a pocket knife.
He has a freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
He can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When we girls get our bill, out come the pocket calculators…YEP!!!
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments, romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, hopes, and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!
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Men Are Just Happier People —
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
Our Unbounded Heritage: 12th Century & Beyond 